{"id":10,"date":"2022-12-19T07:45:02","date_gmt":"2022-12-19T07:45:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/odm14.upgradcampustest.xyz\/?p=10"},"modified":"2022-12-19T07:45:03","modified_gmt":"2022-12-19T07:45:03","slug":"holiday-arguments-brewing-heres-how-to-defuse-them","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/odm14.upgradcampustest.xyz\/?p=10","title":{"rendered":"Holiday arguments brewing? Here\u2019s how to defuse them"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Ways to turn tempers down a notch at gatherings.<\/em><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\"A<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The holidays, as painted by idealists, are hardly the time for disagreements. They\u2019re supposed to be filled with love, laughter, good cheer, and those tiny sparkly lights that make the mood feel festive. Unfortunately, joyous celebration often deteriorates into epic discord when family and friends gather during the season. But you don\u2019t have to get drawn into arguments if you plan ahead and stay alert for potential triggers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why do we fight at the holidays?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

In many ways, we are primed for holiday arguments. “It\u2019s a stressful time. Buying gifts can lead to financial worries. The weather is colder. Days are darker. We\u2019re trying to juggle work and get time off,” says Justin Gillis, a clinical therapist at Harvard-affiliated McLean Hospital. “The holidays can also elicit painful memories or make us face unfortunate realities in our lives, such as a lack of family or close support.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a result, we are often emotionally vulnerable during the holidays, Gillis says. It\u2019s hard to manage intense feelings, express ourselves accurately, or be open and nonjudgmental.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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“When we increase emotional arousal, it impacts our reasoning and subsequent behaviors. So we may be more defensive, or express ourselves in ways that result in conflict,” Gillis says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Drinking alcohol at holiday gatherings can also fuel arguments, since alcohol lowers inhibitions and makes it harder to remain calm or maintain composure. In a 2021 survey from the American Addiction Centers, 57% of 3,400 respondents said they had at least one family member who becomes argumentative at holiday gatherings after imbibing too much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Plan ahead to help defuse emotions and arguments<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s challenging to control emotions in a heated moment. A bit of planning can help you avoid potential arguments or take appropriate action if angry words start flying. Here are some helpful tips.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Set a time limit.<\/strong> If you\u2019re hosting the event, let your guests know in advance what time the festivities will end. If you\u2019re attending the event, tell the host in advance when you\u2019ll have to leave. “Stick to the plan, even if things are going well, so you can end on a high note,” Gillis says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ask for help.<\/strong> To help you rein in reactivity, ask someone you trust to give you a sign if a conversation appears to be risky or escalating. “They can chime in and ask you to do something, which is code for, \u2018Back out or take a break.\u2019 Doing that will ensure that you separate from the discussion,” Gillis says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Schedule breaks.<\/strong> Think about when and how you\u2019ll be able to take breaks during a gathering. This gives you an opportunity to check in with your emotions. “You might go into another room and take a moment to breathe deeply, volunteer to help set the table or clean up, or excuse yourself to make a phone call, even if nothing is wrong,” Gillis suggests. “These can be welcome distractions that limit the chance for conflict.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prepare words of deflection.<\/strong> If you know loved ones might ask questions that will lead to conflict, have a prepared answer and practice it. “Make a statement acknowledging the person\u2019s feelings and letting them know it\u2019s best for the topic to change,” Gillis says. He suggests using a version of the following statements.<\/p>\n\n\n\n